The introductory statement is precise and to the point.

The structure of the paragraph is correct. 

The usage of quotations is adequate.

You use discourse markers at the beginning of every paragraph, and their usage is accurate.

The content of your answer is adequate.

There are a considerable number of spelling errors in your texts. Avoid them.

There are inconsistent grammatical tenses. Avoid switching the tense without having a solid reason.

Your parallel syntax usage is not accurate.  Try these activities to improve your parallel syntax usage.

The dominant voice in the criticism is active. Shift it to passive.

Your usage of idioms and collocations is minimal. Use more idioms and collocations.